“It’s nice to be at the end of a journey but it’s the journey that matters in the end.”American Proverb
It is happening! I am losing my greenness and am too yellowish to stay. “Y’all are a pack of fresh dewed emeralds. I am the one who lost the colour” I wave to the others sheltered and bared appropriately underneath the cover we provide. They are soaking in the sunlight and swaying joyfully in the breeze, happy to stick around. My kinds are all gone, the branch I hold on to is stripped. I dreaded this moment from the start, but it is now upon me.
Like the sunsets followed by moonless skies, when the light leaves a dense and dark night, I feel hope leaving my leafed frame too. I knew its all temporary. That’s what the leaves that left us before stood for, didn’t they? Yet, life is so arresting that we forget the very lesson that is most important of all. EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY. The way they lost their lustre, turned occur and ugly brown before stiffening and giving off that stench, was too overwhelming for all of us to bear. The sounds of rustling and raking echoes through our muted presence. We witnessed the dying silently.
The wind is an ally and carries those whose time is up with it. I pray to it, to be kind to me this Autumn. When I call out with my drying veins the face of hope shows up again. How strange it is, that when all is lost, it still stays and lures us in its fake promises of a wonderland.
The morning dew settles on my frail body, I absorb some of it to quench my ceaseless thirst. The synergy with light is no longer viable for my weak skeleton. The caterpillars won’t sit on my charred velvet anymore, the butterflies are far away where the waft of flower is. The dancing of the branches now doesn’t bring delight rather a fear creeps up my midrib.
I am turning paler by the day and any moment I might fly apart. I will cease to exist. It scares me because this is the world I am aware of. My vibrant green world is about to end…I am prepared to go.
The fall season is here and I am drifting freely with the wind, strangely, I do not feel yoked rather released. I experience the pull of gravity and at the same time a tug from the skies above. It is contrasting and I choose to fly over fall, my frail reddish body is now at the ground while I float above. What a marvellous perspective of life and existence versus death and decay!
Is it ending or a time of renewal? I realise that in dying hides a new birth, underneath the scary cloak. I move towards the heavens and realise I wasn’t the green after all. I wasn’t for a season. I wasn’t for a reason either. I was because I chose to be. I am because I choose to see. Everything is merely a projection and reflection of who I am.
I am not that abandoned autumn leaf being mowed over. I am a spec of life that is going to always be. What they do with me now isn’t known, may be, my carcass becomes the compost for the soil or is burned for warmth but my soul moves around freely through existence, choosing, manifesting, being, dying, playing with consciousness, learning, evolving and forgetting, relearning, redeeming and it goes on and on until someday I choose to walk out of the mandala(pattern), surrender and merge in the light forever.
Alas! Everything is a temporary experience to unveil the permanence which is our only truth. Accept life with open arms and embrace death also with the same rapture. Be prepared to go through the process of ageing, heartbreaks, abandonment, it is all but a prolonged tutorial in detachment and decision-making.