“Spring passes and one remembers one’s innocence.
Summer passes and one remembers one’s exuberance.
Autumn passes and one remembers one’s reverence.
Winter passes and one remembers one’s perseverance.”
― Yoko Ono
Happens to all of us at some time of the year or month or week or day or hour when we are unable to be all sprightly and positive (even this word has a negative connotation after the pandemic year). You may disregard or deny, I accept that your coping mechanisms do not allow you to admit to those times when you are almost in the box waiting to be redeemed by someone who wouldn’t judge you or label you for the birds.
I slept with a picture of “Shiva” underneath my pillow last night. Reasons for feeling so low are negligible in comparison to the list of things I am grateful for in my life. However, there are times when one is weak to fight the negative forces and the lower vibrations invite thoughts, feelings that aren’t ideal for one’s mental wellness.
For me, it is generally that time of the year and sometimes just randomly the phases of the moon start to affect my moods. I go under the weather and become extremely sensitive to every damn thing around me. The PMS syndrome is quite common and it was a relief to see thousands of posts with the hashtag #PMSing and #PMSproblems #PMSmood. So, it is “not in my head” people, give me a break.
Life stalls and all the open tabs in my mind have to be closed at once. I cry, I overthink, I argue, I block some and then unblock them in an hour and really act out on these days. It is not worth mentioning that these things are unintentional and not attention-seeking tantrums as some cold ones would put it.
There is a lot that goes on in the life of an ordinary human, people come and leave a dent in our hearts when they walk away or get separated from us, things don’t work our way, plans go astray, responsibilities overwhelm, investments are unyielding and so on, but it is generally some lay moment when it all strikes too hard and we are unable to emerge from the hollows, be it on a low-on-dopamine morning or a new-moon-night or pre or post-menstrual cycle or any other hard-hitting moment when we are not left with enough fight within us and get overwhelmed.
It is during this time when we need our support circle. It is important to create one in which you can unashamedly speak your truth without having to worry about who you are or how you are positioned in life and that you are some hero/shero on other days.
It is okay to not be okay on some days. Acceptance is the first step towards better mental health. The go-to people are your cherished ones, keep them close. Learn how would you want to be supported during the “off” days.
I often inform my family that I will not receive their calls unless it’s urgent. I like to reach out to my sister and best friend who would understand my whims and even my silence. I strictly keep away from friends who would get all preachy and dismiss the state I am in because of their hyper-positivity. I explain to co-workers that I might be slow and less productive for a few days and that I am working on it. Yes! I do work on it. I always come around and there are some people in my life who do wait for me on the other side and believe in me always. I deliver with full confidence to those who keep the faith in me no matter what.
Sometimes I do nothing other times I give my energy to things that I love doing be it writing, painting mandalas, meditating, watering my plants, sitting by the window side and sipping my chamomile tea, or filter coffee with a book that is not connected to my work in any way, or simply watching neighbors walking their dogs. It is so amazing to look at their patient approach to the mute lovers of their life. Sometimes I even allow myself to binge-watch Netflix while I am snacking on the wafers or guzzling down my hot chocolate. I recently watched seven seasons of OITNB, laughed, and cried with the characters, especially loved Tasha, Poussey, Suzanne, Red, and Mendoza. I derive strength from such stories on an existential crisis. Music is a therapy for me. I have proactively created a playlist for myself for every mood I get in, this one is called, “Void”. I have songs like “Wake me up by Avicii, Yellow by Coldplay, Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd and another one is called “Surrender” which has meaningful and soothing prayers.
The agitation in the mind drops with affirmations and prayers. So, I repeat with full faith the convincing affirmations like, “I am supported”, “ I am grateful.”, “I am abundantly provided for by the lord.”, “He is watching over me.”, “He takes care of my needs.”, “I allow myself to let go of everything or everyone that doesn’t come to me naturally and effortlessly.” , “I work with trust in myself and at my own pace, I am not competing with anyone.”, “I am taking steps towards my dreams with conviction and I know I am intuitively guided by Him at all times.”
It is good to know and accept the days that call for a pause and reset mode. Once we drop the resistance, the phase passes and we get back on track with renewed energy and play along with life in full swing. Else, we get fudged by the sudden onset and lose the precious time to sit back and simply believe in ourselves and our creator, patiently.
So, open your journal and map your current mood. Know when you need support or guidance. Write the names of your under-the-weather-friends. Save a playlist. Prepare to pause.